Your First Holidays After Divorce: How to Take Care of Yourself
Your First Holidays After Divorce: How to Take Care of Yourself
The holidays are supposed to be about making memories and sharing traditions. But when you’re divorced or separated, they can feel completely overwhelming.
Everywhere you look there are happy families and perfect pictures. And maybe this is the first year you’ll wake up on a holiday morning without your kids.
I’ve been there as a mom. So I want to share what helped me, and what I see help my clients.
It’s Normal for the Holidays to Hurt After Divorce
Let’s start here. If you’re dreading this season, nothing is wrong with you.
Holidays and anniversaries can be really triggering during a divorce. You might feel lonely, sad, or just plain crappy. That’s normal.
You can acknowledge those feelings without staying stuck in them. Don’t beat yourself up. You’re not expected to be superwoman or superman all the time.
Letting Go of Win-Lose Thinking
The old adversarial system trains you to see everything as a win or a loss. Holidays are no exception.
It’s his Christmas, so I lose this year. That’s how so many parents think about it, and it makes the whole season feel like a defeat.
I want you to try something different. Instead of “I lose this year,” try “this is the year I get to pour into myself.” The holiday will come back around. Your kids will come back. This year can simply be a different kind of year.
What to Do When You Don’t Have Your Kids for the Holiday
Having a plan for your off year changes everything. Here’s what worked for me.
Plan Something for Yourself
When I knew I wasn’t going to have my kids, that’s when I planned time for myself. I’d take a trip. I made sure I wasn’t just left alone at home missing them.
Maybe for you it’s a trip, a day with your best friends, or a night out. Maybe it’s staying off social media for a few days. Do what honors your own experience.
Create a New Tradition
December 25th is Christmas. But that doesn’t mean you can’t create a special Christmas morning for your kids on another date.
Your kids don’t need the calendar to be perfect. They need the memory to be warm. A new tradition on a different day can become something your family looks forward to.
Lean On Your Support System
You don’t have to get through this season alone. Make sure you have a trusted friend, family member, or therapist you can call.
I was in therapy for years during and after my own divorce. It was one of the best things I did for myself.
Why Co-Parenting Became My Superpower as a Mom
This might surprise you. Sharing my children actually became my superpower as a mom.
When I wasn’t with my kids, I had space to pour into myself. When they came back, I was a better mom than when I had them all the time. I was present and refreshed, and I wasn’t getting annoyed by every little thing.
I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m saying the time apart can give something back to you, if you let it.
Protecting Your Kids From Holiday Conflict
The holidays are core memories for your children. If those memories are full of tension, they absorb it, even when they’re young and don’t understand what’s happening.
That doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. You can admit you’re struggling and that you wish things were different. But try not to put the weight of your grief on them.
The clients of mine who do best make self-care their job. They literally make it their priority. Because if you are okay, your kids are gonna be okay.
Getting Through This Season With the Right Support
When you’re in the middle of a divorce, the stress of your case can make the holidays even heavier. Our job is to keep the temperature down and the overwhelm down.
When you call our office, someone answers. We keep you updated on the next step in your case. That way you can focus on taking care of yourself and your kids.
Your divorce is just a season, and so is this one. If you’re facing your first holidays apart and want to talk through your options, call The Diorio Family Law Group at 813-322-2082 or visit christinediorio.com.